mostlymarvelsstuff:

Y'all, can we start interacting with writers again please?

Like where did all the comments go? Where did all the genuine feedback in the tags go? Where did the silly gifs with reblogs go?

Like yeah we write for ourselves first but it can be super disheartening to post something we’re super proud of only to get a field of crickets in return. Like we aren’t fishing for compliments, we just want our readers to interact even if that means telling us something was badly written. We can’t improve without feedback, we can’t get inspired without knowing someone out there is excited for more….

(obviously this ain’t about me, currently at least, cuz I ain’t putting out content. But I hate to see my friends so down because nobody takes the time to say anything anymore. Like not even a “I really liked this”….it’s not that hard people….)

An echoing room. A circle of chairs. A dozen people from all walks of life. There’s a lawyer. A dentist. A high school teacher. A cashier. A student. An Avenger. I don’t remember what the others do, their introductions have already been removed from my brain’s memory.

Someone (a feminine voice) is speaking. I can only register broken pieces of her speech. “…Wanda”. Without my permission, my voice joins the choir of “Hello Wanda” that rebounds off the walls of the worn down room. My eyes flitter to take in the surroundings. The room is small and bleak, the only decoration is a wooden cross on the wall. The white paint is peeling off the walls, revealing a layer of green paint underneath.

“I realized I couldn’t get through the day without my glass of red wine anymore.” I hear Wanda explain in the background. I’ve heard this story a hundred times before. Day after day, different people recount the same shameful story of how the thing they thought was their saving grace, the solution to all their problems, turned out to be their doom. It’s the story of so many women and men who were struggling to stay afloat and reached for the only thing that would help them survive. And when that very thing destroyed the lives and relationships they had fought so hard to build, they stuck to it, sinking deeper and deeper into their addiction.

My mind doesn’t stick around to hear Wanda’s story. It’s no different than the lawyer’s story, they become undistinguishable after a while. With every mouth that utters the words “I couldn’t stop anymore”, the room seems to shrink, the walls closing in on me until they suffocate me and force me to escape to the outside world. For some reason, today my limbs don’t move, they stay seated on the wobbly iron chair.

I have been where my companions are. I have woken up in the morning with my brain screaming for the bottle. But I got over it. I changed. I dried myself out and rewired my brain until even thinking of taking one sip felt forbidden. And I was doing well. For five years, I was the only owner of my thoughts and feelings. Every word that left my mouth was mine. Every step taken, mine. And then, suddenly, it all came to a halt. Like someone had pulled the emergency break on my world. Half a bottle of vodka is all it took.

One sip. I feel fine. This isn’t so bad. Two sips, I won’t get drunk, I just want to loosen up and have a fun with my friends. Three sips. The voices in my head are growing quiet. The silence is blissful. Four sips. I can stop at anytime. Five sips. Why do I feel so nostalgic for this burning sensation that is spreading through my body? It keeps me warm, it makes me feel alive.

Six months pass by in a flash. The familiar warm feeling quickly becomes a heaviness that weighs down my body and strangles my thoughts. I get into more arguments. I fight with people I never want to fight with. I see the hurt and disappointment on my loved one’s faces. I am trying to stop. I can’t. I need someone to talk to, to confess my weakness. I don’t have anyone. The loneliness is driving me crazy.

I am ripped back to the present by someone calling my name. “Y/N! What is your story? Do you want to share with the group?”. Eleven pairs of eyes are staring at me, through me.

My story? My story is that of a person who made one bad choice, bringing out the worst version of themselves. It’s the story of someone who lost control and fell for their biggest fear. It’s the tale of a person that I don’t recognize when I gaze at my reflection in the mirror. A dark creature that I don’t want to be.

My mouth doesn’t open. My body finally awakens from it’s rigidity and I feel my legs carry me across the room, through the door and into the rainy afternoon that awaits outside. The doubt that has been clouding my thoughts for weeks seems to have dissipated. I know who I am. I am not an alcoholic. I am a person who drinks and struggles to stop. But I can and I will stop. I have done it before. I will do it again.

louisinart:

Anyway if you see this you have to reblog and tag with a delight from ur day – even the littlest thing counts

#i got breakfast with my friend

idk it’s just an idea. Nat leaves after Y/N hurts her.

One day. It’s been one entire day since you last heard her laugh. Since you last saw her smile, although hesitantly. Since you last felt her love coat your entire being.

You spent the night with your eyes closed, hanging on to better times. As the light filters through the blinds you didn’t close, your mind is robbed of its peacefulness and forcefully ripped back to reality.

This is one more day of hell. One more day of drowning in the shame of having hurt and disappointed the person you love most. 24 hours to miss her laugh and patience. 1140 minutes to see her features fade in your mind’s eye. You never thought that could happen. 864’000 seconds to drown in tears as the hurt in her eyes tears your heart apart. Just as many seconds to feel the last remains of hope drain out of your life.

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thehopefulquotes:

“No, I’m not ok. But I haven’t been ok since I was 11, maybe 12. I am still here though. I’m still breathing. For me, sometimes, that will have to be enough.”

— Clementine von Radics

hey there.

if you’ve picked up this scroll, you should run. put it down, turn on your heels, and run. never stop. never look back.

heed the warning, stranger, for this is not a happy story. it’s the haunted story of a girl who fell into the most dangerous trap of them all. you might be thinking of grief. or anger. you are wrong, wanderer. this trap is so wicked and treacherous that it fools even the most seasoned hunters and magicians. it side steps any logical explanation and renders the brains of those who are afflicted useless. given time it spreads, like an illness, across your entire soul. it will leave you boneless and brainless. and the worst part is that you won’t notice it until it is too late. until the curse has already befallen you and forever changed you.

this is the story of how a once fearless warrior became a coward. this, my friend, is the curse of love.

i-will-write:

ALT

Hey everyone! This is a little different from what I usually post and hasn’t been proof-read or edited but I hope you enjoy it nonetheless!!

TW: none? lmk if I need to add anything pls

You had been feeling off lately. Like the world had suddenly turned gray and you just didn’t know how to turn the colors back on. It was as if suddenly your world had stopped spinning and slowed down, leaving you to live your days in eternal monotony. It was as if everything and everyone around you had lost its meaning. The real world seemed so far away, blocked by a veil of sadness that you couldn’t shake no matter how hard you tried. And covered by that veil, you were slowly unraveling. Sleepless nights had turned your eyes into sunken holes. The lack of water and food had your ribs sticking out of your skin more than usual. Your mind had slowly descended into a chaotic state that impeded you from fulfilling even the simplest tasks.

And yet, the one question you couldn’t find an answer to was why. Why were you feeling like this? Had the world been turning grey at the corner of your eyes for a while, and you just hadn’t noticed? Or had it taken over suddenly? What had triggered it? You couldn’t remember. And somehow, you didn’t care. Day after day, you had gotten used to it. The cold feeling was so familiar. Like going back to a place you had known all your life. It lulled you right into a state of numbness that felt as natural to you as the oxygen filling your lungs.

As the days passed, the mission reports you were supposed to be filing remained untouched on your desk. Every day, you would sit down, turn on your laptop, log into the system and stare at the screen. The hours ticked by, your fingertips flying over the keyboard keys, your eyes growing tired and your head hanging low. And yet, the pile of reports never shrunk. Reading had always been like a second nature to you, it usually required no effort. Now, your eyes dragged themselves along the lines, your brain incapable of comprehending the letters and words that it was seeing, as if they were from an ancient language that possessed characters you had never seen before.

You hadn’t talked to anybody about it. It’s not that you didn’t want to. You had tried, but all you ever managed to say was that you were tired from work. It was a valid excuse. Afterall, you had been working on the dissolution of the original Avengers team for months. The decision to retire had been made on a random evening when Steve had mentioned retiring and starting a new career. And somehow, member after member, everyone had agreed, and they had concluded that they would all retire all together. Everyone except you and the new generation that is. While the team was leaving for good, you had decided to stick around for a little longer, you weren’t quite done with the Avengers yet.

It had taken a lot of assessing, planning and trials to get to where you were now. The plan was made, most of the team had already moved out of the compound and was settling into their new routines. While some had decided to settle close to the city, others had chosen to go back to their homes across the country. You had chosen the latter. At least for the duration of your break and mostly because your family needed you.

Today, you were going back to the compound. The trip had been planned for quite some time as you still had to pack up some things and sort out some paperwork there.

The wind was ruffling your hair, the speedometer showing that you had by far surpassed the speed limit, but you were too deep in thought to notice. The closer you got to the compound, the heavier your bones seemed to become. As you parked your bike in front of the building and took off your helmet, exposing your disheveled hair, your eyes wandered to the familiar structure. It still looked the same. The walls were still painted in the same graphite color. The mat in front of the door still looked run-down from all the feet that had stepped on it. The bulletproof windows reflected the path that you had just driven on. Despite its flaws, some part of you felt at home.

You were making your way towards the door, ready to get your hand scanned and input your secret pin when Jarvis’ familiar robotic voice rung through the air. “Welcome back Y/N, is there anything I can do for you?” A small smile grazed your lips at the AI’s question. How many times had you heard that same exact question before when coming back from a mission? You had missed it. “Hi Jarvis, is anyone here today?” you asked, while opening the doors. “No, nobody is here. The house has been empty for quite some time, I fear. Anything else I can do for you?” “No, thank you, Jarvis.”

Without waiting for the customary “You are welcome, Y/N”, you directed your steps to the command center. It looked unused. The silence felt too loud. Like it wasn’t supposed to be there, a foreign sound that had replaced the familiar cacophony of your teammates joking and scheming with each other. There were no overlapping conversations and commands being screamed across the room. No mission was displayed on the big screens that were built into the walls. Even the hologram table in the middle of the room was turned off.

Without even thinking, your hands had turned on the command system. The room came alive with a slow rumble, lights flickering all around as the screens turned on. If you concentrated hard enough, you could fool yourself into thinking this was just another morning. It wasn’t unusual for you to be the first one to show up. After all, your friends loved to stay up until the early morning hours and rarely showed themselves before midday. But the reality was that the compound was empty. You were surrounded by a different silence, one that didn’t match the usual wiring sound of Starks robots cleaning the building and the sound of the stairs creaking as people snuck into the kitchen for an early morning snack.

While your brain was running itself crazy analyzing the emptiness of the compound, a thought suddenly materialized in your mind. This was how it was going to be from now. The team had moved out. You were one of the few left. There would be no more whispering and laughing in the command center. No more grumpy “good mornings” and coffee cups collecting on the table. The sharp whistle of the kettle would be replaced by silence. There would be no more silent conversations with Steve while the others bickered. Natasha wouldn’t appear out of thin air anymore, commanding everyone’s attention. And Thor wouldn’t be there every day to make sarcastic comments and make everyone laugh.

And just like that your excitement about being “home” disappeared and your mood plummeted. This was all there would be from now on. The silence and you. The both of you, alone in the huge compound. As the realization settled in, your back slid against the wall, leaving you to settle on the cold floor. Your mind started replaying all the memories you had made with the team in that very building. They were much more than just your colleagues; they were your friends. You had lived your best moments and survived the worst with them. You had survived the Sokovia Accords that had threatened to split the team forever. You had fought through the endless missions that required the Avenger’s help, again and again. And been there for each other when one of you inevitably broke down. But you had also taken day trips together. You had spent entire nights laughing with them and teasing each other relentlessly. You had built a life together. And now it was gone.

The vibration of your phone suddenly ripped you from your daydreams. Wanda.

“Hey there, is there anything I can do to help you with those reports? I know it’s a lot, tell me if I can help you in any way.” 

You chuckled and rolled your eyes. You had already told her countless times that you were fine on your own, that you would get the job done and that you wanted her to rest and enjoy her newfound free time. But she was stubborn like that. Somehow, it warmed your heart and made the darkness a little lighter.

Shaking your head, you dragged your limbs off the floor and towards the kitchen. Here too, the silence greeted you like a stab right through the heart. This was the spot where the team had spent most time together. It was also the best spot to exchange gossip and hear about the team’s adventures. After all, is there anything better than sharing food and news with the people you love? You could see Sam shaking his head “no” in answer and an unbidden smile appeared on your lips. This was also the very same spot in which your friends had told you that you couldn’t possibly do everything for everyone. And that you needed to start putting yourself first. Wise words. It had been a very much needed wake-up call.

Settling on a chair, you realized just how much you had changed since you had first entered these walls. Gone was the scared person who was so ashamed of herself that they were afraid to speak or reveal anything even remotely private. In their place stood a (more or less) confident person who had learned to open up. Or at least was trying their best to do so. Frowning, you tried to place yourself into your old self and remember your first day at the compound. You found that you couldn’t. That person didn’t seem like you anymore. This place really had changed you. And it wasn’t only the things you had experienced or the work you had put in that had made you into who you were today. You had learned something from each of your team members. Thor had taught you to stand up for yourself and be unapologetic about you wanted. Wanda had shown you that loving yourself was not a burden, in fact, it was a necessity and nothing to be ashamed of. Natasha, as unlikely as it seemed, taught you to open up. Or well, forced you and then taught you. Sam had reminded you that fighting for what you want is always a good idea, that you were not obligated to let go of your dreams just because someone deemed them unrealistic. And Steve? He had taught you that being quiet and reserved didn’t mean that you couldn’t have a place in the group. And that being part of the group did not mean that you couldn’t allow yourself time to breathe away from it.

Most of all, they had taught you that you could open up, that you could let yourself break and that they would be there for you. In a world that had taught you to hide yourself behind a stone mask and never let anyone see your weakness, they had reminded you of your softer nature. They had reminded you of how to feel things instead of locking them away. For the first time in years, you had felt human. And it had hurt. But it had also felt incredibly empowering. Like finding a piece of yourself you had been missing all along but hadn’t known how to find. They had reminded you of what love, real love, not conditional one, really felt like. The more you let yourself think, the more the darkness seemed to weigh on you. When had you stopped talking to them? When had you stopped randomly checking in? You knew the answer. But knowledge and acceptance were two very different things. You let your head drop into your hands.

“You know we are always here for you”. It’s Thor’s voice, ringing in your head. “I always have time for you”. Steve. “When you feel like talking, I’m here” Wanda. “Hey, you’ve been very quiet lately, are you okay?” Natasha. “Do you want to talk about what’s going on?” Sam. They had been there all along. You had never really been alone. You had just refused to acknowledge it and had reverted to your old ways of shutting everyone out. And the why was easy. You were scared. Scared of how lonely you felt when they weren’t around. How much you depended on them. Scared that one day those messages would turn into simple “happy new year’s” messages that you never responded to. Abandonment issues. That was your damn problem. The thought of not seeing them every day, not having them with you at the compound scared you shitless and, in your mind, it was better to detach yourself from them before they could abandon you and leave you broken. It wouldn’t be the first time someone did that. Somewhere deep down, you knew it was an irrational fear. They were not like that. And yet, you were still isolating yourself.

Determined, you spoke up: “Jarvis, where is Natasha? Shouldn’t she be in the city?” The answer came quick: “Ms. Romanoff is currently at work. Would you like me to call her for you?” “No, thanks Jarvis. I think I’ll drop by myself”. And with that, you were off. You had other obligations later in the afternoon but seeing Nat was worth a detour.

Once again speeding down the highway towards the city, you wondered whether it really was a good idea to just show up at Nat’s workplace. It would most likely bother her. Or was that only in your head? Well, you were already on the way, no turning back now. You quickly dropped by the grocery shop to get her a fresh drink and dragged your feet to the coffee shop. Anxiety was gripping your bones, leaving cold sweat to drip down your back. Nervously, you stood in line to get a coffee. Somehow, you realized, your heart wasn’t beating out of your chest, despite the anxiety coursing through your veins, you felt safe.

Natasha hadn’t seen you yet. She looked a little tired and you were happy you had at least thought of getting her a little reinforcement. Was it even appropriate to just drop by while she was working? You didn’t have time to think about it because she spotted you in that exact second. Nat’s face changed from surprise to confusion and to some kind of happy in a matter of seconds. Her face was hidden behind a mask but if the little twinkle in her eyes was any indication, coming to see her had been the right thing to do. One shy wave, little glances and it was already your turn to order. “Hey sunshine, thought I’d surprise you” you croaked out.15 minutes later you were sitting in the corner of the shop, an iced coffee in front of you. You had pulled out your laptop with the intention to get some work done but to be completely honest, you had barely managed to turn it on before your attention had shifted. Your eyes were wandering across the shop, taking in the constant flow of customers, and finally settling on your friend. Automatically, you recalled her reaction and a watery smile materialized on your face. The light going off in her dark eyes. The honest smile and the little kick of energy that had suddenly been ignited in Nat were everything you had missed. There had been no hug and although you would have love nothing more than one of Nat’s warm, tight hugs, the warmth and feeling of being loved that was spreading in your chest was everything you had needed to feel better. Not so surprisingly, the cold loneliness and fear that had been suffocating you for weeks slowly melted away from your body. Breathing felt easier, like you had been freed of a huge weight. The world seemed to shine a little brighter and even the future looked a little less glum. You were at peace.

Somehow, that single little smile and the little twinkle in Nat’s eyes, were enough for you to know that you’d be okay. Because you were finally not alone in the world anymore. You had found your family. And maybe, just maybe, when the next wave of sadness inevitably came, you could just let them know how you were feeling. And you wouldn’t been alone in your fight against it anymore.

As you were thinking about all of this and trying to inconspicuously wipe away the tears that were flowing down your cheeks, a funny thought stumbled into your mind. Maybe happy ever after really did exist, just not like in the way fairytales described. Maybe being happy meant having the freedom to fully be yourself and to be able to share yourself with people who loved you unconditionally. 

Hey there! I am aware that the change is quick in this one, it might not be your favourite but I hope you enjoy it anyways :) I know it starts out slow but I promise Nat is in there

TW: talks of depression, swearing - lmk if I need to add anything else

You had felt it coming. The shadows that usually occupied the edge of your consciousness had been slowly creeping their way into your everyday life. Making tears stream down your face at any given moment. They would assault you during the many sleepless nights, making your worst fears come true in your dreams. Sometimes, they would attack during the day, when sunshine made you feel safe. You would be sitting somewhere when your breath would grow shallow, your eyes suddenly burning with unshed tears as anxiety gripped your limbs. 

It wasn’t the first time this had happened. The first time, you thought to have valiantly defeated the darkness that dwelled within. But later on, when tears had turned in rivers, leaving you to find a shelter from the storm that you always failed to find, you understood that the storm was coming, and that you couldn’t escape it. Thunder, disguised as anger and insecurity, had shaken the strong foundation of self-love you had struggled so hard to build. Thunder was always followed by lighting. And lighting came, pouring down on you, stabbing you when you least expected it. 

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gamwthnzwhmou:

Reblog if you had a Tumblr for 5+ years